Jodo

[ben76]

Hmmm a prize eh....

Well I think it all began over a candle lit dinner. The lights were low and you'd just finished some lovely snails in garlic butter. Then the conversation began to get a little fruity...
You said banana's were best. Stu on the other hand thought oranges were better as they're the colour of iron bru. Not to ruin the evening you just politely nodded and agreed he had a point...
Deep down though the thought remained...
Oranges... fecking oranges!!!
You needed revenge... you needed some form of recourse...
Squeezing the toothpaste in the middle.... hmm... maybe you thought that's fecking annoying... not annoying enough though...
Many days passed... the anger was growing.... action had to be taken.... you thought about going to the scottish parliment to get iron bru and deep fried mars bars banned.... still that didn't seem to cut it... there was only one thing to do.... the ultimate insult...
You logged onto your pc... nervously clicked on the bookmarked facebook link... The internet seemed slow today... Sweat appeared on your brow.. you could feel your throat getting dry... all the time you were thinking 'Oranges... fecking Oranges' I'll show that bast.... Before you knew the mouse pointer was hovering over the unfriend button... The reality sank in.. for a moment you hesitated... Then again the words echoed round your head.... 'Oranges are loads better than bananas' the rage came back... The single click of the mouse button clear as a single gun shot echoed round the room.. It was done... too late to go back. You sat for a minute thinking what had just occured.. Was it the right thing to do? Had you gone too far? You needed time to think. Think in a way only a man can... After about 30 mins in the only place a man can think clearly, you flushed the bog sprayed a bit of air freshner as Mrs Jodo may complain. It had been done and yes for all the correct reasons... after all everyone knows bananas are fecking ace and oranges were sh*t used in things like marmalade. Wtf is that about?

Yes I'm bored and need a job

- Ben

P.S. I have both people on my facebook and love them both equally xxxxben762014-06-04 15:41:28

 

[neo-geo-mvs]

^ well written Ben, very dramatic

You should write as your new job;

https://kdp.amazon.com/

 

[ZuPoint]

Ben, I want more!
What happens when he logs on and finds out?
How does he live with the shame, what's his motivation to post on UKvac? Will it end well?

They could met 10 years later at NERG 2024 , eyes across a e-cig smokey room, or hand touch as they both reach for the THEN retro space harrier stick. ( I'm crying now )

This could work out.
This has Adam Sandler rom-com feel all over it.Thefro92014-06-04 15:47:05

 

[Big Phil]

He has a bigger farm than you on Farmville and refuses to send you bags of fertilizer?

If I win, I promise to donate the prize to the Bright Red Raffle at NERG!

 

[Equites]

It's cos he iz black.

 

[ZuPoint]

Jodo is really the evil ruler of Dragonland and has travelled back in time from the year 6226 in a hope to stop you completing his prototype worst case scenario game ( we call it space harrier )
Seeing how his evil plan simulator has a flaw that Jodo can beat the top score he has no other option but to unfriend you in the hope you move onto another game and forget all about your chances of completing space harrier. Thus ruling the Dragonland forever more.

 

[Jodo]

Some gold here already. Keep them coming

 

[stevearcade]

Squilla outbid Jodo in a bidding war on eBay for a bottle containing Henry Ford's dying breath.

After this happened, Jodo contacted Squilla, desperate for this bottle and they came to an arrangement that involved a romantic evening, sharing fondu in a room containing nothing but the warm glow of CRTs, surrounded by Jodo's Space Harrier Collection. Once the evening was done, the bottle would be Jodo's.

However, the mood got the better of them both, one thing led to another and while I won't go into detail, spark of the best possible kind flew and thus began a brief, but very passionate relationship between two humans who shared a love for Space Harrier, fondu and the dying breaths of important historical figures.

Things turned sour after a few weeks however when Squilla secretly recorded the events of one night. He uploaded it to a very niche website for people who enjoy watching videos of other people making love on, over and up against classic, retro video game machines. The videos containing moving, deluxe SEGA cabinets are rare and therefore this video received a relatively high view count.

Another person who regularly frequents this website got in touch with this video's uploader (Squilla), looking to share in this passion and pleasure in exchange for money. Squilla arranged, without consulting with Jodo to have third person join in their romantic evenings.

A day before their next scheduled meet, Squilla messaged Jodo saying "I've got a special treat for you tomorrow ;-)". Jodo was very excited and could not wait.

The next day, the doorbell rings, Jodo runs, cheeks flushed with excitement and anticipation to the door. Upon opening the door he's presented with Squilla and MandCCars holding a bunch of flowers and a packet of fondu cheese. Jodo, in a stupor of disappointment, confusion and rage slammed the door shut screaming that Squilla was never to speak to him again and that he obviously didn't know Jodo at all, as, if he really knew him, he'd have never hurt him like this, and that their relationship and friendship was over.

In his rage, Jodo got straight online and severed all ties with Squilla. Squilla unaware of the sour history between Jodo and MandCcars remains, to this day, confused and hurt by the whole thing.

Jodo is only discovering upon reading this now that there is a lengthy, passionate video of him and Squilla online, so I'm probably just making matters worse.

Don't ask me how I know about this video please...

Edit: I hope this doesn't breach the rules

stevearcade2014-06-04 19:03:56

 

[frothmeister]

Jesus Steveo, you HAVE a job as well!frothmeister2014-06-04 19:16:17

 

[Big Phil]

Looks like I may have to up my game....

 

[Guests]

 

[ben76]

Ben, I want more!
What happens when he logs on and finds out?
How does he live with the shame, what's his motivation to post on UKvac? Will it end well?

They could met 10 years later at NERG 2024 , eyes across a e-cig smokey room, or hand touch as they both reach for the THEN retro space harrier stick. ( I'm crying now )

This could work out.
This has Adam Sandler rom-com feel all over it.

ok then....

The year... 2048... it was an Autumn evening, still warm but the leaves on the trees had turned to a golden brown. A warm hue covered the sky. A slight wind had built up. Nothing to worry Jodo, he was all tucked up warm looking through the window of the conservatory of the "Moot" retirement home. He'd lived there ever since the final epic battle on Absymbel. The years had been hard but he had worked for it. Most men had faltered at the Robotron offence earlier in the year however, once defeated he could now relax and sit back knowing all the world's problems had been resolved again.

He sat back and lit a large Cuban cigar. Inhaling the sweet smoke, holding it there for just a moment before releasing the smoke out into the evening air. "Life is good," he thought.

A sound beckoned from the distance, catching his attention.... "It's fecking oranges I tell ya!"

It had been so long, it didn't register... it did play on his mind for a minute, "Must remember," he told himself. It had been a long time since June 2014 and Jodo's mind had become confused..

Then a loud bang, then fire... What was that?? The gates to the entrance we're all aflame... Something is happening... but what....

A sound again came over the warm air, Jodo strained to make out the words.... "Fecking unfriend me will he the bast..."

It sounded familiar.... "Think" Jodo "Think"

It was a little misty, time had taken its toll on the grey cells that Jodo had... A lot of mundane things now became a problem. He did know he was fine as long as he had a fresh pair of Tena for men on and his trusty oxygen. Yeah the doctors said the cigars would kill him but as long as he had the oxygen he was fine....

Then, like a bolt of lightening, it all came flooding back... "Unfriend me... Un-fecking-friend me" he knew who it was....

The moment in 2014 came flooding back... Everything came flooding back...

"It's time to finish this once and for all!" Jodo told himself. By now the cigar had begun to take affect.... Jodo's breathing had become stifled... "oxygen" he tells himself. Picking up the mask and attaching it. A swift turn of the valve and air, beautiful air. Jodo's breathing settled almost instantly. "Thank feck for this life saving cylinder" he thought.

He eased himself out of the comfy recliner he rested in most days. Looking back at the chair before leaving he remembered to again ask the duty nurse to try to get something to remove the dodgy white stains. They were from a vanilla milkshake he had consumed a week ago but he was getting strange looks from the other residents.
"Never mind, there's more important things right now," he told himself.

Clutching the oxygen cylinder under his arm he headed off toward the commotion.

It was time to end this once and for all.....

Upon reaching the exit door, he typed in the code 1234, although it was a secure unit he had seen the code entered by many a member of staff. "Click" the lock on the door went... "Right, here we go.."

Now not being a stupid man Jodo held the door and shouted, "Who is there?"
Immediately a reply came back, "It's me ya bastard, show yer face and I'll show you that oranges are better!"

"This sh*t has just become real!" Jodo told himself.
"How do I solve this?"
He was tired, all the wars and shooting had taken the majority of his abilities. Yes he was incontinent, yes the cigars had made the breathing a problem, but the Tena pads and oxygen cylinder fixed the short falls.
Thinking...
Thinking...
Thinking...
Nothing.... There is only one way to solve this.....

Kicking open the door, cylinder under arm he ventured out. "It's me you bast, let's end this now!"

Squilla turned to hear the voice of the foe, the one that had unfriended him all those years ago, the hateful years.

Squilla span round, a bright light with a figure... He tried to squint to see... A bright light... Then a figure became apparent.... Not just a normal figure... It looked like a normal human being, however there was something different... He was holding something... A cylinder under his arm...
"OMG" thought Squilla, "It can't be?!?!?"
....
....
"Harri, Is that you?"

Now Jodo wondered what was going on. Then it dawned on him.... The oxygen tank under his arm... Squilla thought it must be Harri the character from the arcade game he used to be world champion at (until Billy Mitchell submitted that dodgy vhs tape)

"Yes," he replied quickly, "It is me Harri, I know why you are here and you need to go, NOW!"
Squilla replied, "But I have to be here, I'm seeking the one that calls himself Jodo, he unfriended me, oh, so many years ago. I need revenge, NO I demand revenge"
Jodo thought quick, "No you don't as you never were the arcade champion, Jodo was... and banana's are ace and oranges are crap."
"But Harri," Squilla didn't recognise the voice as Jodo's due to the years of cigars, his voice was now deeper than Barry White's, "I need resolution, I need to finish this, its been 34 years and the bast has never sent a new request."
"No you must go now!" boomed Jodo. Realising something must be done, Jodo began to think how to win the argument... Then like a bullet from the blue it hit him......
"Squilla, look behind you there's an IDA..."
Squilla turns to see... That was the moment, the only chance... Jodo turns and re-enters the care home. "Now is the time...." He pulls the door behind him, and presses on the keypad 1235.... knowing full well entering the code incorrectly sets off the full security systems....

Shutters begin to slowly roll down, knowing he didn't have the fight in him, it was the only choice....

Then in the distance he saw the flashes of blue.. Sirens wailing, he knew soon it would all be ok... He headed back to his comfy white stained chair. Sat down, removed his oxygen mask and sparked up the remainder of the cigar that had been patiently waiting for him. By now the police had arrived, drawing back on the cigar, then blowing out a large cloud of smoke he heard a struggle and a voice shouting.... "Unfriend me ya bast... I'll get you, if its the last thing I do I'll get you!!!"

TBC....

Again no offence to anyone I'm just messing about

- Ben

ben762014-06-04 20:43:38

 

[Jodo]

"Tena for men" ?

 

[TonyElyod]

I still Blame it on the BUCKFAST..

 

[niknak]

Ok I've done a bit of research into this and I think this article may be related..

I also discovered that Jodo also de-friended WiWi Jumbo, ida, and dom the very same day!

 

[ZuPoint]

+1 for Ben.

PS. We just need a love interest ( for the chicks ) and a chopper crash ( blokes ), can you do it so the movie could be filmed in 3D?Thefro92014-06-04 21:46:27

 

[IDCHAPPY]

hopefully someone will make an indie film abouth both of you and we can all enjoy.

What would the title be???

Spaced Harriers "the fight for squilla"

Could be good

 

[ben76]

+1 for Ben.

PS. We just need a love interest ( for the chicks ) and a chopper crash ( blokes ), can you do it so the movie could be filmed in 3D?

Hmmm... Love interest.... you mean Jodo and Squilla isn't enough! Chopper crash would need Arnie and 3D... That would need Brendan Fraser and dinosaurs... Not usre the budget will strech to that

- Ben

 

[ZuPoint]

+1 for Ben.

PS. We just need a love interest ( for the chicks ) and a chopper crash ( blokes ), can you do it so the movie could be filmed in 3D?

Hmmm... Love interest.... you mean Jodo and Squilla isn't enough! Chopper crash would need Arnie and 3D... That would need Brendan Fraser and dinosaurs... Not usre the budget will strech to that

- Ben

Squilla could get transferred to prison via a chopper and make a daring escape causing a crash.
The love interest could come from the sexy shrink in prison that helps him escape via a prison vs prison Sega game off.

 

[muddymusic]

Some super stuff

Welcome to de-friendy-book zone.